Break Free from Self-Sabotage

Self-Sabotage can show up in many life areas. Self-sabotage can sneak into just about every corner of life, often without us even realizing it. For example, self-sabotage in weight management is when someone unconsciously or consciously engages in behaviours that hinder their progress toward a healthier weight. It is important that we recognise negative thought patterns and replace them with empowering beliefs.

As an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and working with many clients, I know that hypnotherapy empowers individuals to reprogram deep-seated patterns of self-sabotage, replacing negative beliefs with a mindset that supports sustainable weight reduction. By accessing the subconscious mind, hypnotherapy helps break cycles of emotional eating, self-doubt, and resistance, allowing for positive change to unfold effortlessly and naturally.

So, let’s talk about self-sabotage in a general sense and help you find new and empowering ways to decrease its hold on you, and give you practical exercises and strategies you can use to break free from self-sabotage.

Here are some common areas where self-sabotage tends to show up:

Relationships: Pushing people away, fear of intimacy, or choosing unhealthy dynamics that reinforce negative beliefs about yourself

Career & Work: Procrastination, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, or avoiding opportunities that could lead to growth.

Health & Wellness: Neglecting your self-care, indulging in destructive habits, or resisting positive lifestyle changes.

Finances: Overspending, avoiding budgeting, or feeling undeserving of financial success.

Personal Growth: Avoiding challenges, resisting change, or staying stuck in limiting beliefs.

Creativity & Passion: Downplaying your talents, fearing failure, or never fully pursuing creative aspirations.

As an example, self-sabotage may show up when it comes to reducing unwanted weight and it can manifest in various ways, such as:

• Emotional eating
• Not moving
• Setting unrealistic goals, or
• Falling into cycles of guilt and restriction.

Some common reasons for self-sabotage include:

1. Fear of success – Some people worry that achieving their weight goals will bring unwanted attention or change their identity.
2. Emotional triggers – Stress, boredom, or sadness can lead to overeating as a coping mechanism.
3. Unrealistic expectations – Setting extreme goals can lead to frustration and giving up.
4. Deep-seated beliefs – Feeling unworthy of success or fearing judgment from others can hold someone back.
5. Past experiences – Holding on to past emotions that keep you ‘stuck.’

Question: Which of these relates to you? Explain why you believe it relates to you?

Overcoming self-sabotage rooted in the unconscious mind requires deep self-awareness and intentional strategies. Self-sabotage often stems from fear, doubt, or deep-rooted beliefs that hold us back. Recognizing where it appears is the first step to breaking free from it.

Break Free from Self-Sabotage Exercises:

1. Identify Limiting Beliefs

A limiting belief is a subconscious assumption that holds a person back from growth, success, or fulfillment. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to transformation.

Step 1: How to Identify a Limiting Belief:

I encourage you to reflect on these thoughts. They often sound like:

• I’m not good enough.
• I’ll never lose weight
• I’ll never be successful.
• I can’t trust people.
• Money is hard to earn.
• I don’t have enough willpower.

Step 2: Spot the Pattern:

Reflect on situations where they feel stuck or frustrated. Ask yourself these three key questions?

1. What goal do you keep avoiding?
2. What’s holding you back?
3. When do you tell yourself ‘I can’t’ or ‘I shouldn’t’?

Did you notice any patterns emerge when you answered these questions? These beliefs show how they shape your behaviours.

Step 3: Challenge the Story:

Many self-sabotaging thoughts come from past experiences, not actual truth. Once you identify a belief, I want you to question its validity. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Where did this belief come from?
2. Is it absolutely true? Is this belief ‘fact’ or ‘fear.
3. Is there evidence that proves otherwise?

Step 4: Reframe the belief:

Words have power—changing how we speak to ourselves changes how we act. Now let’s turn the limiting belief you uncovered from a disempowering belief into an empowering belief by reframing it:

• Instead of “I’ll never be successful,” reframe it to “I am learning and growing every day.”
• Instead of “I’m not worthy,” reframe it to “I deserve happiness and success.”
• Instead of “I will never lose this weight,” reframe it to “I am reducing my weight by 1 kilogram each week.”
• Instead of “I can’t” reframe it to “I am learning how.”

2. Overcome the fear of failure

We need to overcome the f ear of failure. Failure is never the end—it’s a stepping stone toward something even better. Failure isn’t a stop sign—it’s a lesson. Reframe setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than reasons to quit. Overcoming the fear of failure can completely transform your life, opening doors to growth, opportunity, and resilience.

Here are some key benefits:

• Increased Confidence: When you stop fearing failure, you gain trust in yourself and your ability to handle challenges.
• Greater Opportunities: You take more risks, step outside your comfort zone, and seize new possibilities without hesitation.
• Resilience & Strength: Learning from setbacks builds mental flexibility and adaptability.
• Better Problem-Solving: Fearless thinking allows you to approach problems creatively and find solutions without self-doubt.
• More Joy & Fulfillment: You engage fully in life, knowing that failure is just a stepping stone to success.
• Personal & Professional Growth: You develop new skills, expand your knowledge, and make bold moves in your career and person
• Healthier Mindset: Releasing the fear of failure cultivates optimism and a positive perspective on life’s challenges.

Step 1: Fail Forward – The Reframe Method

This technique is designed to shift your mindset from seeing failure as a threat to viewing it as a stepping stone toward growth.

a) Normalize Failure – reflect on a past failure that led to unexpected learning or growth.

b) Identify Fear Triggers – Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Often, we imagine the worst-case scenario, this scenario may be exaggerated or catastrophised. List any actual risks and possible rewards of trying something new.

c) Reframe Failure – Shift your language:
Instead of “I failed,” reframe it to “I gathered new information.”
Ask yourself, “What did I learn from this experience?” rather than “Why did I mess up?”

d) Set Small, Safe Failures – I encourage you to set mini-challenges where failure has low stakes.

e) Reward Action Over Outcome – Praise your effort rather than seeking perfection. Celebrate progress, not just success.

3. Replace Perfectionism with Progress

Waiting for the “perfect” time or needing to do everything flawlessly holds people back. Small, consistent steps matter more than perfection.

Step 1: The 70% Rule

Perfectionists often feel stuck, believing something must be *flawless* before it’s complete or valuable. The 70% Rule challenges this by encouraging action and momentum instead.

How It Works:

1. Set a Task or Goal: Whether it’s writing an email, creating a presentation, or tackling a personal project.
2. Aim for 70% Completion: Instead of striving for perfection, aim to finish the task at a solid 70%. It should be functional, effective, and *good enough* to move forward.
3. Reflect & Adjust: Ask, “Is this usable as it is?” If yes—move forward. If no, refine only what’s necessary, avoiding endless tweaking. If you come on tweaking, there is ‘perfectionism,’ staring back at you.
4. Celebrate the Win: Reinforce the progress made rather than mourning the missing 30%. Over time, this rewires the brain to prioritize creating momentum over flawlessness.

Why It Works:

• This redefines success as forward movement rather than unattainable perfection.
• It reduces procrastination by making tasks more approachable.
• It boosts self-confidence, as you will see real progress rather than paralysis.

4. Recognize Emotional Triggers

Self-sabotage often comes from stress, boredom, or frustration. This exercise will help you to identify your triggers and find healthier coping strategies. It empowers you to take control over your reactions instead of feeling controlled by your emotions.

Step 1: Trigger Mapping & Coping

This method helps individuals recognize their emotional triggers and intentionally shift their responses to healthier alternatives.

A) Identify the Trigger:

Recall a recent time where you felt overwhelmed, anxious, or frustrated.

Now, I want you to write down:

• What happened? (The Situation)
• What emotion did you feel? (Your Reaction)
• What did you do in response? (Coping mechanism)

Do this at least 3 times, with different situations whereby you felt overwhelmed, anxious or frustrated.

B) Find the Pattern:

• Have a look at multiple situations and identify common themes.
• Ask yourself, “Do these triggers have a common source?” (e.g., criticism, uncertainty, loneliness).
• Recognizing the pattern helps you consider and anticipate future emotional responses.

C) Evaluate the Current Coping Mechanism:

• Ask yourself, “Is this current coping strategy ‘helpful or harmful’?”
  For example, if someone reacts to stress by avoiding tasks, does that behaviour make things worse?
• Ask yourself, “Is this coping method serving me, or is it keeping me stuck?”

D) Create a Coping Management Plan:

• Brainstorm some healthier alternatives for each trigger.

For Example: If the trigger is criticism and the coping mechanism is shutting down, a healthier strategy could be self-validation (reminding themselves of their strengths).

I encourage you to experiment with these new responses in real situations.

E) Accountability & Reflection:

• Set small action steps to try new coping methods.
• Track your progress and celebrate small wins.

Remember: Changing our responses to the way we automatically cope takes time. Focus on progress over perfection!

The brain loves comfort, even in bad habits. True growth happens when you push forward even when self-doubt tries to hold you back. Time to shift your automatic unconscious patterns and develop new ways of coping and installing healthier habits.

6. The “Plate Method” for Portion Control:

This strategy helps with balanced eating without the need for calorie counting:

1. Divide the Plate:

• Fill half the plate with non-starchy vegetables (leafy greens, broccoli, peppers, zucchini).
• Fill one-quarter with lean protein (chicken, fish, tofu, eggs).
• Fill one-quarter with whole grains or starchy foods (brown rice, quinoa, sweet potato).

2. Mindful Eating:

• Eat slowly, chew thoroughly, and stop when satisfied rather than full.
• Use smaller plates to naturally reduce portion sizes.

3. Consistency Over Perfection:

• Apply the method to most meals rather than aiming for perfection.

Here are some effective approaches to deal with Self-Sabotage:

• Boost Self-Awareness – Recognizing patterns of self-sabotage is the first step. Journaling, meditation, or therapy can help uncover unconscious behaviours.
• Practice Mindfulness – Being present in the moment allows you to observe self-sabotaging thoughts without acting on them.
• Identify Triggers – Understanding what situations or emotions lead to self-sabotage can help you prepare and respond differently.
• Reframe Negative Beliefs – Challenge limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering thoughts.
• Set Meaningful Goals– Aligning goals with your values and breaking them into small, achievable steps can prevent self-sabotage.
• Seek Support – Working with a therapist or mentor can provide guidance in uncovering negative thought patterns and replacing them with empowering beliefs.
• Use the Plate Method – Eating nutrient dense foods and portion control as well as mindful eating are key to creating new ways of fuelling our body and reduce weight.